Widow for a Season: Finding
Your Identity in Christ
Chapter Seven: Dance with Me
This chapter will examine three of the top five most basic needs of a
woman in the marriage relationship as identified by Dr. Willard F. Harley Jr. in
his book entitled, His Needs, Her Needs.
God as creator of woman knows intimately the whole nature of this help
meet He created for man. He
knows her nature does not change because her earthly husband has been taken, and
He knows that those created desires must be nurtured and tended to if healing
and health are to be accomplished. The
question is how do we learn to receive this nurturing and tenderness from our
God? The scriptural appropriateness
of Christ as a spiritual Husband to the widow is examined in the areas of
affection, conversation, and honesty and openness.
Seven - Dance with Me
Once, when my husband was bedfast, a neighbor brought in a meal. She had
made some soup for her family and decided to share it with us. She also
brought four small cups of tapioca pudding unaware that I had been wishing
for some just days before. Tapioca pudding is one of my favorite desserts!
God knew what I had been thinking and made a tender provision for
me through our neighbor. Her
gesture was the result of an unspoken oneness between God and me. It
reminds me of a husband whose smiling eyes lock with his wife’s across a
crowded room. The intimacy of
their relationship allows him to secretly know her thoughts without a word
spoken between them. We can
experience this same intimacy with a Holy God.
. . The first
and hardest loss a widow may experience will not be the sexual
relationship but the desire for affection, attention, and the sense of
being loved by a man. Studies show that at an early age teenage daughters
crave their father’s affection. If that father-daughter relationship is
not developed teenage girls may become promiscuous as they seek to fill
their need for male affection. A
widow experiences that same need for male companionship. This can become a
great struggle, one that Satan will use against her. The tendency will be
to seek to meet that need prematurely in an inappropriate relationship. We
must be sure that our relationship with God is the one that fills and
satisfies us first. Only then will we be able to enter into other healthy
love for you is greater than any love you can experience. If it is
affection you crave, He is capable of giving it. You must learn to look
for God’s affection. As in my illustration of the tapioca pudding, God
knows how to extend tenderness to you. He knows what it will take to touch
your heart. It will be a personal tenderness that may surprise you, but
don’t mistake it for an unrelated coincidence. Begin to look for the
tenderness and affection of God.
A widowed friend once
shared with me that after her husband died, she never felt loneliness at
night. When she lay down to sleep, she felt the arms of God holding her. I
always thought the scene of the apostle John leaning his head on Jesus’
breast at the Last Supper was such a tender scene. When I lay my head on
my pillow at night, I try to imagine the same. I am with God in my room
and He is watching over me through the night. I am in His presence. His
tender love for me is a sweet and safe place. Psalm 139:17-18 says, “How
precious also are your thoughts to me, O God! How vast is the sum of them!
If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand. When I awake, I am
still with You.” Notice that He is not with us, but we are with Him.
“For the eyes of the LORD
move to and fro throughout the whole earth that He may strongly support
those whose heart is completely His” (2 Chronicles. 16:9).
wants us to spend time with Him so that He can fulfill our need for
companionship. You must try to imagine that you are with Christ wherever
you go. Be aware of His presence. Speak out loud to Him. Cry to Him and
give up your pain. Laugh with Him when no one else is around. When you
feel like you are all alone, remind yourself that you are with Him.
Include God in every event, decision, and emotion. Make Him the first one